Why do I feel like this?!

Loss of any type is a process to work through. It doesn’t matter if it’s a loss to death or loss to change, the grieving process is still going to affect us. Perhaps at different levels of magnitude but nevertheless it’ll still be there in some form and capacity   This is why we need to recognize it. 

There are five stages of grief our minds will go through during our loss process and there’s no way to get around them. They will come whether you notice or not. 

The first is denial. At this point our subconscious will know what is going to happen but our brain refuses to recognize it. We will put on our rose-colored glasses and pretend that everything is going to be fine, even when we can feel it’s not right. This stage is a prepping for what’s to come and of course we’re not going to have any part of it. This stage also helps provide us with the ability to say “I did everything I could”. 

The second stage is anger. After all, how could this have happened?! This isn’t fair! Everything was fine and now it’s just all of a sudden blown up, right…. Wrong, remember the denial stage. That was where all the warning signs were flashing and we refused to see them. Of course, some people at this point in the anger stage will now recognize the denial stage and begin to blame themselves for not noticing the signs. This is when the anger is turned inward towards ourselves. Not everyone experiences this self-blaming portion but many others do. 

Then comes the bargaining. Yep, we can make it all better if… Well, we haven’t tried this and I know this could work if… Anything our minds can think of to fix the problem and make it right will flood this space and time. Praying, testing, different meditations, therapies, you name it and our thoughts will think of a way to make it work. Even when we know, nothing will fix it. 

And this is when the stage of depression kicks in. That daunting feeling of hopelessness. A feeling of failure and disparity. This is when nothing matters to you and you really don’t care about anything. It’s almost as if a numbing sensation has taken over your entire body, all except that ungodly amount of pain, turmoil, guilt, loneliness and the what if’s. You know, all the negativity that weighs you down and anchors you here. 

Then finally, when we literally drag ourselves out of the pits of depression, we finally find the acceptance stage. During this period of time, we are open for understanding. We learn that there was nothing we really could have done to fix it. The end results were not our fault and that there wasn’t anything we could’ve done to prevent, lengthen or stop the outcome of the loss. We accept the loss for what it is and even though we don’t like it, we can now move forward. The grieving process has now been successful and graduated us to another level of healing. 

We can reflect back on the situation and somewhat understand it and see things clearer at this point. The emptiness is still there but the empty whole is on its way of healing. This takes time and the length to completion is completely different from person to person. 

The key is knowing that it’s alright to heal and move forward. You don’t need to stay stuck in any stage of this process. Even if during the grieving process you slide backwards a little, it’s alright and normal. It happens to many people. 

Know that you’re not alone even though you feel like it and there is light at the end of the tunnel waiting for you. Understanding that this is all a normal process to go through and knowing you’re not alone, does help to not feel quite so abandoned throughout this painful journey of healing. 

Also, remember these stages are the way our brain copes with the loss we’re going through. We should be grateful for the fact that our body can do this all on its own and copilot us through the messy web of the emotional and mental grieving process. It’s definitely something we could not handle by ourselves without our subconscious taking the lead on. The negative impact is extremely rough on us and we lose our own balance going through the whole process, plus if you’re energetically unbalanced to begin with (which most people are), then it’ll be that much harder on you to get through it.  

Having a loss is one of the most difficult things to go through as a human. It’s an emotional roller coaster ride which there is no control for. The process just takes over and there’s no way of stopping it. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness is so great that the person goes into panic attacks. It’s the fear of the loss and not knowing what to do nor how to do anything. Some have reported that they associate the feelings of an animal being caged up. They want out and want to go somewhere or to go do something yet when they reach for the door handle, they drawback in panicked fear because they don’t know where to go or decide that they really don’t want to go because they now don’t know what to expect while away from the shelter of their homes. 

The emptiness consumes them and their fear begins to run their life. And it all stems from the loss they’re going through. This is one of the worst stages for some people and if you’ve never experienced it, count your blessings. This can be a very paralyzing part of the grieving process. 

If you or someone you know are struggling with grief or loss there is help through counseling or even grief support groups or hotlines that you can call. One of the most important things is realizing that you’re not in this alone and there’s help if you need it.   

Personally, with my heritage I turn to smudging. Smudging is one way to help change the negative energy around yourself. It provides a neutralizing energy to the negativity and produces a positive energy, which will help lift your spirits and calm down the mind. Giving a peaceful sensation over the body when finished. 

Smudging is an ancient ritual that Native Americans have used for many centuries. The burning of sacred plants is beneficial for removing negativity, promoting healing in different aspects and provides a positive energy. This culture uses smudging often and some use it daily. 

We actually see and help so many different people here at Healing Feather Wellness, that we smudge our space quite often. We also go smudge for other businesses, our clients, their homes, ourselves and even our home and vehicles. It’s very helpful and people can actually feel the difference when they come into the facility or have it done. 

Smudging has been scientifically proven to change the negative ions to positive in the air circulating in the space or room getting smudged. 

If you’ve never tried smudging or don’t know how to do it then you can either find a place to smudge for you or look it up online. Another option is to get some sage and simply burn it in your space to create a more relaxed environment for yourself and help heal yourself from your grief. 

Best of Health & Positive Energy, ~ Healing Feather Wellness – “Balancing Body, Mind & Spirit” – Saint John’s, MI. – (810)339-0260