Without Your Ego

We’re beginning our new year with a much smaller family as many of us do after the holidays and winter months. 

Going through the motions of thanksgiving, Christmas, and the new year, with the heaviness of a loss can be very hard. The emptiness that was once filled is now the void which will never go away. 

They’re gone, transcended beyond their life, and set free with the birds in flight. As we fall apart from devastation with a flood of emotions that our minds cannot process nor handle. 

We should be happy for them. They’ve grown beyond, they’ve graduated, and they’ve retired. Yet we sit… we sit in a pool of our own self-pity, loathing the fact they’re not here with us. Letting sadness and grief wreak havoc throughout our mind, body, and spirit, but why? 

Because the grieving process is not for them, it’s for us. Our own selfish behavior that tells us “This isn’t fair”, “why is this happening to me”, “they were taken away from me”, and all the other egotistical lines we use during these moments. 

In reality, we’re making it about ourselves instead of them. “I’ll never see their face again”, “I miss hearing their voice”, I wish I could have one more day”, why? Why can’t we just be happy for them? They’ve moved on leaving a broken, rundown, brittle old shack of a body and moved into a beautiful dream home. 

Is that our problem? Are we actually grieving for ourselves because they received something far better than anything we have? If so, then isn’t that actually a form of jealousy? 

It’s different thinking about death in this manner but, it is something to think about. After all, it paints the true picture of our ego and how destructive it can be for us, how corruptive it truly is, and how easily, we ourselves, can become tangled up in it. 

Grief has layers, as does our egos, but the turmoil of grief is a common and normal healing process we all go through and it’s not an easy journey. 

There are five stages of grief we each step through when healing, no matter what we have lost. The stages are;

Denial

Anger

Bargaining 

Depression 

Acceptance 

These steps each teaches us something along the way (if we listen) and they help our mixed-up minds process the overload that our emotional body can’t handle. 

The denial is the preparation for what will be coming. Tapping our ego on the should to say, “psst… you’re not in control here”. 

The anger is when our ego actually realizes it truly has no control in the situation. 

Then the bargaining steps in. If our ego doesn’t have control then let’s work out a way to get control back. After all, something will work, right? It has to! 

After that doesn’t work (because it never does), it’s time for depression to step up. Oh, that feeling of the good old defeat. That’s right, this is when our ego realizes it can’t win and feels the defeat. Not a pleasant stage at all to be in. 

Ah, then the wave of acceptance smacks us in the face. This is more of a release of our ego than anything else. We let go of the pettiness, the fear, the wanting, the jealousy, the need to be right, and the control. This is the only stage and moment we get where our ego steps aside. Acceptance is that of being knocked off the pedestal from the heights of our high horse. This stage is both the end and the beginning, it’s quite humbling. 

Once reaching this plateau, there’ll be a stillness, a sense of calm. When everything finally comes together and we’re able to manage on our own again. Standing in this spot, we now have a choice; step up to heal or slide back down. 

We can finish the healing process from here but only if we choose. Why do I say that, well because many people never move from here. They stay stuck, afraid if they move forward, they’ll lose what they have already lost. So, they continue life in a circle of sorrow which makes its own tracks through the same cycles over and over again. It’s their ego laying down licking it’s defeated wounds. Holding on tight to the last piece of thread it can to keep control of the littlest piece of something. 

This ride will continue on the same path until the rider decides it’s time to get off and stops it. While the others have decided at this intersection to step forward and finish healing instead of becoming stuck in the grief circle.  

You see, even though the end of last year till now was a very cold and dark one, life does continue on. It’ll go on with or without us, life isn’t biased like that. Just remember, the light at the end of the tunnel is there for you and you can make it through the loss. 

Use this new year as a new beginning. Look at it as a chance to shine the light for yourself and others who need it. Move forward, heal, and grow, without your ego draining yourself. Be an example for others by stepping forward in that peaceful spot of calmness where you are humble and grow healthy as you heal so they know it can be done. 

Grief is the process of healing in multiple forms with many layers and our bodies are remarkably resilient.  

~ Best of Health & Positive Energy, ~ Healing Feather Wellness – “Balancing Body, Mind, & Spirit” – Saint John’s, MI. – (810)339-0260